Why I Believe

Written in 2001 (Edited 2010)

Hello my name is Thomas Richards and I became a born again Christian in 1997. Before that time, heavy metal was my life and I associated myself completely with their dark depressing lyrics. I had anxiety all the time so I would want to constantly smoke pot in an attempt to take that away and soothe my mind. I was a chain smoker of cigarettes and severely addicted to them as well. Well, today, I'm free from all these things. And it's been over12 years now.

You may know of some people in your life that have made changes in their life or a conscious decision to change. I didn't. You may have known people who have decided to pursue a life in religion. I didn't. I'm no longer a catholic although I was confirmed a Roman Catholic at the age of 13 or so.

What I am now is a true born again believer of the Bible. I'm a Christian and this was not a decision I made. I was given an ultimatum from God. "Do what I say or you will go to hell for ever." This didn't happen with words like I'm saying. My understanding was opened up to these facts and verified when I read the Bible and for the first time in my life.

Right before I had this born again experience I was 27 years old, the lead singer of a band with 12 polished original songs. I all of a sudden realized something I never thought of before. Hendrix, Joplin, Morrison, Cobain were all 27 years old when they died. The reality of death gripped my soul at that moment like never before and terror struck me to the core. I was 6 feet tall and weighed about 145 lbs. I could hardly get myself to eat, my sleep had just about totally left me, I could hardly go to work, I didn't want to talk to anyone because i knew they had no answers or wisdom. But at that time the Lord opened up my understanding to true misery, Hell.


Me and my band playing CBGBs in 1997 (I'm Singing)

Before I became born again, all I wanted was to get rid of that feeling I always had. This dark feeling deep with-in that seemed to follow me every where. Every once in a while I thought I had shaken it. Then all of a sudden, there it was a little worse than before. It was like an energy. A painful in the soul energy that I could seem to feel in my whole body, even my fingers. Drinking/Drugs didn't help anymore, my girlfriend didn't help either. Neither my mother, friends, relatives. Finally, I even tried going to a shrink. I believe that was the smartest thing I did because at that point I realized he couldn't help me and if this professional who makes a living helping people couldn't help me I figured I'm beyond help. I thought, "I just got to get away for a while, from everyone. Just disappear."

I went home and with nowhere to go or no one to turn to, my mind and heart started to turn towards God for help. At this time some friends came by and this one friend whose mind was so destroyed by drugs and mental problems that he could hardly talk began pouring out his soul to me. His best friend died in his arms, his grandmother who he was very close to died on the steps of the Catholic church, then recently his father passed away. He began telling me of strange things that happened to him. Dreams and visions he had and strange coincidences. He then began telling me about a man down the block who was doing witchcraft against him. He really felt that he knew this guy was tormenting him through witchcraft.

For some reason I began crying. I began to break down asking with all my heart "Where is there help?" I was so screwed up and so were all my friends and the whole world!

Suddenly I remembered a tape my mother had given me 10 years earlier. I had never listened to it, yet I had kept it through the NAVY and several other big moves. "The tape!!" I thought and began to desperately look through my huge collection of tapes for it. Several times since I had that tape I would come across it looking for another tape and would think, "This has something to do with God."

My mother gave me that tape ten years ago when she had an experience with the Lord and she was going to some church and trying to convince all her friends to go. She got the tape from someone at the church and she lent it to me to try to win my soul or something. But I wouldn't listen to it. I told her I would but I didn't. Not for ten years.

So finally I found the tape and I put it in player and listened to it and it was a testimony of someone who was probably worse than me. He was a heroine addict, satanic priest and very miserable as well. He mentions Christ in it, the blood He shed and he says at the end, "Just give Christ a chance." Through this, through those words I began to have a personal experience with Christ that has not stopped for over fourteen years now. At that point I realized that Christ was the answer, to everything. I began to weep out loud, but now I had someone to weep to. I wept at the feet of Christ who was there with me in the room.
I told God I was sick of my life, the way I was living, the bondage I was in. The drugs, the circles, the misery.

That's when the Lord showed me true misery, I all of a sudden felt the calamity of hell, I felt the awesome holiness of God and I felt the disgust and shame of the sins I had committed .

Abortion was the biggest, I felt the guilt of the abortion I convinced a woman I lived with a few years earlier to get.

I felt the wrath of God towards sin and I felt the condemnation of the whole world. It was so powerful that I couldn't endure it but I did. It was so traumatic that I thought my brain would snap but it didn't.

The whole spiritual realm was opened up to me, Satan, demons, angels, heaven, hell, the state of man and of course, God.

Some of, maybe a lot of you may not believe what I'm telling you. But I ask this:

Where would I come up with this? Not only that, I never knew the Bible and every thing I experienced is specifically spoken of in the Bible.

I was instantly and permanently delivered from a very REAL drug habit and horrible depression and anxiety.

I was born again when I got saved. I was very supernaturally lead through a sinners prayer and I invited Jesus into my heart and I felt Him mightily enter into my heart.

I had been reading the Bible about 8-10 hours a day for about three days and God talked to me through the Scripture that's says, "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." rev 3:20 I began weeping telling the Lord that I want that more than anything (and I wasn't a weeper). the next morning I snapped out of sleep very early in the morning and I felt the Lord all around me like a cloud.

It was incredible. I knew He wanted me to turn on the TV, when I did I began changing the channels and I stopped on a channel that had a mans face taking up the whole screen. the first words out of his mouth were, "if you haven't accepted the Lord as your Savior I want you to say this prayer after me...." He lead me through the sinners prayer and my soul got saved very powerfully. I was screaming out to God to have mercy on my condemned soul "I'm a sinner!" I felt the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ wash me from my sins. I was instantly healed of horrible oppression, depression and horrible anxiety. I opened the door of my heart and felt Jesus come in and the demons flea. I was a child of God born again. It was wonderful. and it still is because i see the Lord is using me today even in spite of my own self.

-Thomas

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